A mindful moment at the window

There's something about the air, outside.

Opening the windows to let it all in.

It's freeing from the old.

 

Clearing out the dark spaces.

Vast places,

The thoughts that loomed in the air.

 

There's some about open windows that makes me lighter.

A lessening of the heaviness that fills a house closed from the world.

It's a new beginning, a welcoming sign of new life.

 

There's something about the way the breeze shifts my mind.

An opportunity to notice and remove the cobwebs.

Newness to appreciate.

 

Clearing out the negativity.

Pushing aside,

All that no longer served me.

 

There's something about the air, outside.

It fills my home with the day's perfection.

A positive energy I cannot replicate.

 

There's a reason windows should stay open,

They clear that which is not needed.

And remind me that life is all around my home.

 

So go and open your windows, if you can.

Feel the breeze.

Listen.

 

Know that if you want,

A new beginning is behind each breath of air.

Each gust of life.

Your smile can return.

With the simple act of noticing.

The beautiful breeze from your window.

New Year, New Focus

As always, January is a time of new goals, resolutions and mantras.

I love the way a new year freshens my thoughts, pauses for my reflection and excites my heart with potential. It's something I truly look forward to every year.

This year is no exception.

Life has provided me many opportunities to grow, struggles to learn from and trauma to test me. Yet I am still motoring along. Some days on cruise, others smashing around in the potholes and the odd day with a flat tire on the side of the road.

But I am still motoring.
And I love the feeling of moving ahead.

This year, I'm focusing my energy on a few areas.

First, I'm letting go of expectations. Mostly of others, I've realized that much of my suffering in 2018 (ruminating thoughts, anxiety, feeling left out, worrying about how others will react) came from my deep-seeded beliefs about how people should act, or react to certain situations.

In 2019, I've decided that every time I feel disappointed in someone or in a situation, I am going to ask myself where I've placed expectations on others. I will notice them, be curious about why I've quietly expected certain things, then let them go. I hope this will free up my brain to relax more and be present in the moment.

Secondly, I am determined to be more assertive, with loving kindness always at the heart of my words. I am not a fan of conflict, in fact I usually clam up and become passive aggressive, or avoid avoid avoid whatever is making my uncomfortable. I love to write and reflect on paper, but immediately addressing issues with my voice is very hard for me to do.

In 2019, I am determined to speak up more often. When I feel something is unjust, wrongly operating or simply unbalanced, I will notice the feeling of my heart racing and my jaw clenching. I will find a way to address the situation with a tone of love and respect, using kind words to elicit authentic conversation. I want to be braver in the face of conflict.

Lastly, I am going to say no to things that drain my energy and spirit. This is a super hard one for me, as I am very much a people pleaser. I hate to admit this, but I spend HOURS, at times, considering what others want from me and trying to live up to their expectations. I have frequently said yes to things in the past which I knew would absolutely ruin my energy, drain my spirit and require me a week's worth of time to recover from, just to make others happy.

In 2019, I am going to boldly, and with love, pull back from those things which make drain me. I'd like more energy in my life, more self-fuel for writing, reading and exploring my passions. I'm scared to be selfish but also excited to say that this year I want to put myself first more often and consider what I need to fill my spiritual and energy buckets.

So in 2019, my anchor words are

expectations
assertive
energy

And my anchor quote is

'let go and love more'

These are my post-it notes, my bookmarks for every day of this wonderful, glorious year ahead. It is my hope that as a result of this work, I will grow into a better mom, wife, friend and human <3

#selfreflection #selflove #letgo #love #behumble #bekind

In control of what comes next

What a year it's been.

So many lessons learned.

This year I hurt deeper than I knew was possible.

The pain in my heart literally took my breath away.

I stuttered for words.

I lost myself in grief.

Fear.

Anguish.

This year I learned about resilience.

Getting up each and every day despite the bully in the room.

I lived on coffee and text messages.

I stared fear in the face.

I told myself it was going to be ok, even though I felt I was lying.

This year I felt loss.

Loss of a child's innocence.

Loss of a family's routine.

Loss of control.

This year I felt love.

Deep, unwavering love from family, friends and even strangers.

I felt energy transfer from others' hugs, prayers, gifts and kind words.

I was literally lifted by the affection of others, 

I found myself reflecting and wondering...

Am I doing this right? 

Am I giving it my all? 

Will I have regrets?

Am I the person I really want to be?

This year transformed my children.

My marriage.

My body.

My spirit.

It shook us, but it did not break us.

It won't break us.

As this year comes to a close, I have made the conscious decision to usher out the negative aftermath. The pain and suffering, the worry and the fear. They are not welcome in my home or in my heart any longer.

I cannot control every twist and turn in my life. 

Life does not feel fair or equitable all the time.

Sometimes, life feels incredibly hard.

Painful.

Unrelenting.

My only source of control comes in my reaction to it all.

I am absolutely in control of what comes next.

I choose love.

Kindness.

Peace.

The Year of Celebration

It's New Year's Eve.
How did that happen?

As I reflect on this last 12 months, I am profoundly grateful.

My children are healthy.
My husband and I are madly in love.
My mother is recovering like a champ from surgery.

I've grown closer to many relatives and in-laws.
Strengthened friendships with beautiful and strong women.
Unconditionally loved an animal despite its flaws.

I'm writing more often.
Meditating regularly.
Walking through my house daily with a greater appreciation for its character and nuances.

I worry less.
I choose my words more carefully.
I choose gratitude over anger.

I've begun a deep dive into my newest writing project, My Journey to Worthy.

For all these discoveries I have become a more mentally healthy woman. I feel as though my soul shines more clearly around my body, that those who I surround myself with have been privy to my most authentic self to date.

Yup, I really feel that way.
And its awesome.

I am very much looking forward to 2016, as it will mark some major milestones... 'big' birthdays, anniversaries and life stages which deserve celebration.

The kind of celebration which leaves you smiling ear to ear.
Where you heart bursts out of your chest with joy.
And your eyes fill with tears of excitement and love.

Bring it, 2016.
You are my Year of Celebration.