'Tis the season

I absolutely love the holiday season. Not just Christmas, but the entire season of advent all the way through New Year's Eve.

I love it.

This one has been no exception.

Despite a few hiccups - mainly Jay's epic smoke detector reach-turned broken foot and E's inability to sleep the night - I'm happy to report the tree is decorated, presents wrapped and Christmas music is blaring (side note: Jay you really have to stop changing the station on the kids and I!) I have even learned that the season can be wonderful without doing everything on my list. I didn't decorate as I usually do, nor did I bake. And I've realized that I'm ok with that. I am learning (slowly) to pull back on the 'want to do's' in favour of downtime with my kids and husband.

While the boxes are yet to be opened, I've already experienced some incredible gifts.

First, two long time girlfriends went out of their way to 'lift me up' over the last few weeks. An unexpected delivery of flowers. A sweater drawn up with a Miller-esque pup. Both deeply affected my heart, as both went out of their way to think of me. I am so grateful for their gorgeous souls, and have decided to pay it forward with two unexpected gifts of kindness to other mama friends. Mamas supporting mamas. Love.

I also received a well-disguised gift from N early this week. It began as an epic meltdown and ended with his realization that while he couldn't change the situation he was in, he could do the one thing I've been urging him to do for a very long time. In between sobs, and INSTEAD of raising his voice and escalating, he say, "Mommy, I just need a hug." WOW. I was insanely proud of him. He GOT IT. Sometimes we don't get our way, but that doesn't mean we can't feel upset, and in being upset it's ok to ask for a hug to release the negative feelings. So proud. Major milestone.

Last night, B came home with a homemade ornament. Made in class, her first year of school, it's just so special. It immediately brought tears to my eyes. Her little hand. Her handwritten name. The little faces she drew on each 'snowman' finger. Such a beautiful memory to share for years to come.

To say I am grateful is an understatement. My heart is aching with love. And I keep thinking, what can I do with these feelings? Well here's what I am going to do.

I am going to pray.

Pray for my friend who is celebrating a last Christmas with her palliative mother. Pray for my friend who lost her little sister unexpectedly. Pray for my Gram, who is celebrating her first Christmas in heaven with all her family and friends. Pray for Jay, the kids and I, who continue to miss our furry boy Miller and feel a distinct sense of loss as we get closer to Christmas.

I am going to pray for love and strength for those experiencing loss. I am going to pray for quiet moments of beauty and divine intervention for those unable to celebrate this season. I am going to pray that each of my incredible friends and family members find beauty in the holiday season, despite the worst circumstances.

Christmas brings out the most wonderful and also the most debilitating of emotions. It's so important that all of us remember that we cannot help how we feel, but we can help others feel loved and supported. Reach out this week to someone you care about. Give them the gift of your time, your ear to listen, or perhaps just a hug.

This is the true meaning of Christmas.