Performance indicators of a life well-lived

Today marks exactly five years since I announced I was leaving an awesome full time job to become a freelance work-at-home mom. It was a very scary decision, but it felt innately comfortable.

Five years and a lifetime ago.

What astounds me about the last five years is that I do not have a single regret.

I do not regret putting my career on the back burner.
I do not regret the late, late work nights.

Not the burn out.
Not the exhaustion.
Not even the lack of 'me time'.

Don't get me wrong, the last five years have been incredibly difficult.
Painful at times, both physically and emotionally.

But my performance indicators were simple.
My decision to leave my career was based on the desire for simple things.

Balance in our home.
Time with our children.
A deeper family love.

I say 'our' in each of those first two statements because this wasn't a decision I made alone. I made it with my greatest cheerleader and best friend in life and parenting. We made this decision together.

To have less vacations.
But more time.

To buy less stuff.
But share more meaningful moments.

The performance indicators of my freelance business were not what a student reads in business texts.

I did not intend to build a large clientele.
I had no desire to work entrepreneurial hours to grow financially.

I chose balance.
I worked some, but less than full time.
I said no to projects, if they threatened my ability to be a mom.
I turned down dozens, dare I say hundreds of networking opportunities.

All to be with my family. At home. Together.
And I regret none of it.

So while a textbook may say that, by growth standards, I have failed, I am proud to have succeeded in business the last five years based on the deeply personal and engaging relationships I have with all three of my children as well as the equally strong and loving relationship I have with my husband.

Life is not always about income.
A position title on a business card.
Professional growth.

For some of us, at one time or for a long time, the performance indicators of a life well-lived are simply based on love, family and balance.

My riding partners

Have you ever been on the Drop Zone ride at Canada's Wonderland?

It's the one where you strap yourself in and then slowly, but surely, head straight up the very tall pole until you stop. In the moments that follow, you feel equal parts amazed at the view from up high and terrified as you know what comes next will be an epic thrill.

Your feet dangle.

Your heart races.

You look around at the faces of family members riding along side you and your eyes meet... 'what the heck were we thinking?' you say silently.

Then, you drop.

Fast. Hard.

Insanely quick.

And just like that, the ride is over. Your heart is still racing. You legs are weak. You stumble off, grab the arm of your riding partner and decide that, for now, ice cream is about all you can handle. Then you wander off to find that yummy chocolate-chip-cookie-with-chocolate- chips-treat they sell for too much money.

That about sums up my life at the moment.

The drop is a near-daily occurrence for me. A roller coaster of emotions as I struggle to be a great mom, great wife, great instructor, great freelance professional.

I'm exhausted. Actually I've never felt more exhausted in my life. Yet I strap myself in every morning, say a silent prayer that I'll be 'great' today and prepare myself for the inevitable rise.

I try, whenever possible, to enjoy the view. My kids are beautiful, growing and smarter than I ever imagined. In those moments, I am comforted by their hugs and smiles.

Then, I panic.

How in the world am I ever going to get (insert project, prep, other work-related requirement) done in time to sleep tonight? How can I possibly be a great mom/wife if all I do is work?

I can feel my feet dangling, The inevitable about to happen.

I'm going to drop.

Thankfully for me, I have two amazing riding partners.

One is Jay. He is calm, loving and ever-supportive. He reminds me that - yes - we are about to drop. But the ride is purposeful, fun and there's a treat at the end so just hang in there.

The other is my mom. She is warm, empathetic and an excellent listener. She too, reminds me that the ride is worth enjoying, that it's ok to be scared and that, no matter how much I scream, she will love me and my family just the same.

Best. Riding. Partners. Ever.

I love you both.
xo