Thursday, October 17, 2019

Protecting their roots

This year is really stretching my parenting muscles, as my oldest is now eleven. I find it hard to navigate his lived experience with him, as childhood has amplified, as far as I can see.

Children are growing up faster.
Exposed to infinite amounts of knowledge much earlier than I ever was.
Technology is glued to their every day.

Kids are still making mistakes,
but now it's captured on cell phones.
Posted to social media.
Repeated when they don't learn from their mistakes.

Friendships aren't enough to satisfy.
Children yearn for followers.
Online gaming communities.
The social thumbs up.

It's an incredibly fast-paced world for little brains.
More often than not, it's too fast for mine.

And I think to myself,
if cell phone and social media streams can suck the life out of me some days,
bait me with nonsense and trolls,
leave me feeling more worried and angry than before I scrolled,
why on earth would I allow my son to navigate it, now?

Why would I permit 24/7 access to a world of overwhelm?
I've come to feel very strongly otherwise.
It's not yet time to plug in.

He needs family dinners.
Snuggles on the couch.
Time to read, play lego and shoot hoops in the driveway.
Teamwork and leadership at hockey.
Freedom to navigate the library.
Hours spent in nature.

He does not yet need to plug in to a hurting world.

Sample it, sure...

Let's discuss politics.
Trauma.
Death.
Cancer.

Let's explore ethics.
Injustice.
Addiction.
Homelessness.
Sexuality.

Let's learn about mindfulness.
Love.
Peace.
Religion.
Friendship.
Family.

But I've come to believe that my children deserve time to grow.
Engage their own experiences.
Observe life.
Explore.
Before plugging in.

I believe that my children have the right to explore their personal boundaries.
Find their own passions.
Think critically.
Learn.
Before plugging in.

I believe that my children need time to relax without technology.
Play without structure.
Worry less.
Love.
Before plugging in.

I want my son, and all my children, to feel grounded in themselves.
Content to be exactly who they are.
Able to observe the motives of others.
Free to make peaceful choices.
Connected to nature.
Full of faith.

I want them to grow roots in life's natural experience. 

So for now, they won't be plugging in.
There will be no cell phones.
No social media.
Only moderated gaming, tablet use and internet search.

They'll sample it all, absolutely.
We'll discuss, explore and learn.
But they will not plug in.
Not yet.

For now, I'm protecting their roots.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Riding the wave

My anxious thoughts are at an all-year high, right now. I've been riding a wave of some pretty intense feelings.

Anger.
Disappointment.
Exhaustion.
Fear.
Worry.
Sadness.
Grief.

I've been feeling as though I need to make some significant changes in my life. I feel like I am circling this place where I try hard to 'do what's right', it drains me, I get overwhelmed and burn out, then I do it all over again.

My husband mentioned I've slipped away from my meditation practice.
A friend noticed I worry and check in more on my friends than many do on me.

My mom said to stop the chatter in my brain, as best I can.

Noted.


Yet I am still here, wondering about the root of it all.
Why am I feeling so unsettled?

I reach for gratitude.
I have so much to be thankful for.

I lean on love.
My husband and family are 100% holding me up.

I pray.
For patience, peace and so much more.

Yet still, I struggle.
So badly right now, I am struggling.

I love very deeply.
I think very deeply.
I hurt very deeply.

Right now I am so deeply unsettled.

Sometimes, I've noticed, there is no answer.
Only the wave.
Perhaps time.
A return to self-care
Or even some serious sleep to settle me down.

Just know that if you are feeling this way, I am too.
And our mental health matters.
So keep riding the wave.
I'll do the same.

Calm will come soon.
xo