Showing posts with label lean in. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lean in. Show all posts

Sunday, August 30, 2020

Maybe we won't go back

I've been reflecting lately, on this crazy year we are having. 2020 will most certainly never be forgotten, for a million different reasons. At times I've fought with it, hated it, cried about it and many times I have gone to bed thinking there was no way I could make it through another day. 

But then I thought, perhaps this is what we are supposed to learn. 
That grey is a medium place. 
It's not good, but it's not necessarily bad. 

It's non-striving. 
It's being. 
It's stepping outside of the stories we create in our own monkey minds. 

During this time of awakening, perhaps we are being called to listen. 
Actively listen to our bodies, our partners, our neighbours and children. 

Perhaps this time can teach us to find gratitude in each moment as it unfolds. 

Maybe we won't go back. 
Maybe experiencing non-striving is the gift, here. 
Finding joy in simply being. 
Remembering what it's like to not have plans, throw big parties or take marathon shopping trips. 

Maybe we won't go back. 
Perhaps this is the new normal. 
Less scheduled driving, more time to explore our own minds and beliefs. 
More time to look inward and support others in a new consciousness. 

Maybe we won't go back. 
Maybe this time is teaching us that our before was truly unsustainable. 
It was too fast, too wasteful, too superficial. 
Too far from mother earth and the beautiful gift of simply being. 

Maybe we won't go back. 
Perhaps the grey is teaching us to trust Him more. 
To pray on our struggles and consider this parable's lesson. 
Believe that God's plan is exactly ours, as well. 

In a world that was so egotistical, so full of wants confused as needs, perhaps we shouldn't go back.
Perhaps the little humans we are raising will be better for this time, better for the grey, better for being.

So, don't be so quick to want to go back.
Perhaps there's no such thing, and the only sure thing is the experience we are having right now. 
As we commit to being. 
Non-striving. 
Trusting.
Living.

 

Friday, January 27, 2017

All the way there

I've been a bit of a mess this month.

We've dealt with our usual MRI appointments and follow ups (which were all NED, thank God), a lovely bout of lice (yes, you read that correctly) and the back-to-school-crazy-transition that rocks the lives of parents the world over.

It has been grey and rainy outside for a couple of weeks.
A new world leader took power, threatening peace.
People are protesting.
Hearts are angry.
So much negativity.

My instinct has been to retreat.
Into my house.
My family.
My thoughts.

I didn't realize how much I was holding inside until this week, when I finally had a good cry and was honest with my husband.

Truth is, I am struggling.
Not with worry.
Not with anxiety.
I think I am just sad.

The reminder posts on social media of the events that took place this time last year are very overwhelming. Full of emotion and fear, it's almost as if I am re-living it all now, a year later.

As my husband puts it, we went all the way there.
We didn't just think about our child having cancer, we actually heard real words from real people.
We are reminded every three months that it could come back.
We belong to a club of amazing people with the worst possible connection.

We went all the way there.
All the way.

As another cancer mom explained it to me, we aren't fearful of what COULD happen.
We re-live what DID happen.

And so as this month comes to a close I am doing something I haven't done in 10 odd years. I am going to donate blood.

To honour another childhood cancer warrior and his family.
A friend's mom gone 15 years.
All who battle this horrific beast.

I will lean into the sad.
Stand strong and rooted in my fierce desire for peace.
I will go all the way there.
And grow as a result.
<3