They need so much less than we think

Tonight we had an extra long dinner as a family.
It wasn't a fancy meal, or a well-planned all-natural organic creation.

It was just food, on plates.
Knapins and water cups.

Some ketchup for good measure.

But tonight our meal lasted for what felt like forever, because we sat down and planned our bucket list for the rest of this year, using a simple prompt sheet I had printed four months earlier (with good intentions).

It took us until today, but we did it.
And it was worth every minute of conversation.

We laughed as we brainstormed.
Teased each other.
Cracked jokes.

We opened our minds and hearts to new possibilities.
Shared with each other the things we'd love to see and do.

It filled my soul.

Three hours later all I keep thinking about is this:

We trade time for money,
spend it on piles of accumulation and call it wealth.

We work so damn hard,
exchange it for so little quality family time and call it a life.

We dedicate ourselves to higher education,
then fail to revel in the words of a four year old because we are rushing and distracted.

Our kids need us now.
Today.

They need our presence.
Not presents.
They need to sit around a table of people who love them.

They need to SEE US.
Be with us.
Be held by us.

No amount of wealth, no advanced education, not even a burgeoning career can provide for our children what they need right now, as little humans.

They need us.

Their mamas.
Their daddies.
Their aunties and uncles and grandparents and special relatives.

They need time.
A relaxed, positive space to speak openly and honestly about their hopes and dreams.

They need love.
Unwaivering, always-present words which clearly articulate the depth of our affection for them.

They need peace.
Space in their hearts and minds which is uncluttered by accumulation, overscheduling and unrealistic lifestyles driven by must-have brands and toys.

They need so much less then we think they do.

Less.
Is.
More.

Tonight, over an extra long family
 dinner, I was reminded of this.

Don't believe me?

Give your kids more time, more cuddles and more opportunities to speak freely.
You'll see what I see, I promise.

The moment the nightmare ended

Shortly before Brooklyn's surgery, the doctors gave her some medication to relax. She is so traumatized from the last month, we requested this to avoid another major OR meltdown.

She quickly relaxed, played her Shopkins game and waited for her pending surgery. Jay and I were a mess, every conversation with doctors over the last month skipping through our heads, every outcome flashing before our eyes, knowing that once again we were putting our little girl's life in the hands of others.

She couldn't form a cohesive sentence in the minutes before we moved into the OR, but let me tell you, she most certainly could once she rolled into surgery. She told every doctor off, saying they were meanies and she absolutely refused to lay down. The surgical team held her down while I rubbed her head and sang 'our song' to her, mask over her little face.

It was a moment that took my breath away.
I came out and fell apart in Jay's arms.

There was nothing left to do but wait.
And it hurt the greatest depths of my heart.

In the hours that followed, we were visited by nurses, child life specialists and other McMaster team members we met over the last few weeks. It really hit me then, that this wasn't just a terrible dream. We weren't making this a bigger deal than it was.

It also hit me that we had the entire McMaster professional team routing for us.
For her. For a positive outcome.

Our social media pages were oozing with prayer offerings, energy dedications and words of love and faith.

It was overwhelming.
I was totally numb.

And then, it happened.

Brooklyn's surgeon came out to see us.
Much earlier than anticipated, Jay and I flew out of our chairs.

She looked at us so calmly and said,
"I removed it. I was able to remove all of it. As far as I can see, 100%"

I was stunned.
I felt my knees get weak.

I told her she was incredible, to which she replied it wasn't that big of a deal. She knew the tumour was friendly and she knew she could do it.

To her, it was science.
Training. Skill.

To us, it was miraculous.
Prayers answered. A new beginning.

Our daughter, our little Warrior Princess, was going to be ok.

In the next hour, we were visited by her other surgeons, who were proud to say they also agreed that 100% of the tumour was removed. I hugged them so hard, I probably scared them.

Lastly, our oncologist popped in. Her words went like this,

"You better consider going on that vacation after all."

You can't even imagine the tears that followed.

#TeamBrookie #WarriorPrincess

_

Brooklyn is still admitted at McMaster, and she's moving through the ups and downs of post-operative recovery. While this week has been exhausting and difficult, we're confident she will make a full recovery in the weeks to come. Final pathology will be available in another ten days or so, at which time we hope to hear Brooklyn will only need to be monitored regularly and not undergo any further treatment.

Thank you for your continued prayers and love. xo

The night before

The last two days have been awful.
Every single one of us, kids and adults, feels uncomfortable, sad, worried and downright angry.

There have been yelling matches.
Hockey sticks to the forehead.
(for the record, this was Ethan to Brooklyn, we are good parents I swear)
Walls slammed with hands.

Tears.

So
Many
Tears.

And lots and lots of hugs and cuddles.

Its hard to imagine how Brooklyn is feeling, but given her two enormous angry outbursts (one at home and one today during pre-op) my guess is she's deeply disturbed and scared. She's trying so desperately to be in control of absolutely anything right now, that simple things like 'turn off the tv for dinner' have become heart-wrenching meltdowns.

My head is pounding.
My back hurts so bad I visited the chiropractor on 15 minutes notice today.
My cheeks are continuously flushed.

But now, our bags are packed.
Toys and colouring books from family and friends overflow their bag.
Scentsy buddies are filled with hugs and love at home, in mommy's absence.

New ipad apps.
Snacks, drinks and fruit.
Lots of advil.

Yaya the dolly.
Annie the angel bear.
Blankets.

Now we need your prayers.

For the surgical team charged with removing this ugly tumour.
For our warrior princess, that she digs deep inside her beautiful soul and find a way to smile.
For our boys, left behind to live out the week under the guidance of amazing family.
For Jay and I, that we find peace during the surgery, remain calm should complications occur and meet the day with radical acceptance and gratitude.

I do not anticipate posting any updates here until we are home from the hospital. We appreciate all the kind comments and love left on this blog, and promise to update you as soon as we are able.

#TeamBrookie #WarriorPrincess

One year later... the marathon continues...

I cannot believe I'm approaching one year since my 'big move' to work-at-home mama. The last 12 months have absolutely flown by, and yet I feel as though many more 'aha moments' were captured as a result. It obviously suits our family, as I'm now 26 weeks pregnant with a little man who 'ninja turtles' my belly all day and night, apparently anxious to arrive early and meet his siblings. I've learned so much about myself, my kids and my husband as a result.

First up, let me share my thoughts as the know-it-all at Hummingbird Communications...

One year of freelancing, it feels like a bit of a marathon. No one warned me how difficult freelancing would be! Recall that feeling of beginning a new job and attempting to learn the culture, social norms and communication style of your peers and superiors. It's exhausting right? Well lucky me, I've had to do it about six times over this last year. Ha!

While I shine bright gold on the true colours personality scale, I'm also a strong blue - highly tuned to the emotions of others. As a result, I've often found myself struggling to understand the nuances of emails from clients more so than necessary. As most of my work takes place virtually, it can be difficult to go lengthy periods of time between face-to-face communications. I've learned to ask for clarification and request additional background information in order to best serve my clients.

Freelancing also requires intense discipline. I knew this, but I still struggle to sit down at 8pm to 'work' after 'working' all day with my kids. The most difficult times are on weekends... I have to visualize myself duct-taped to the desk just to meet deadlines... and you would too, if your kiddos were playing spy agents around your PC and screaming and fighting with each other in the same room (or one room above or below you). Ear plugs are my friend.

My relationship with my kids is stronger, and more meaningful than ever. Not to suggest career moms have any less a relationship with their kids - kudos to each and every one of you for balancing both worlds - but for our family, this was the only way. I shudder to think of where we'd be if I hadn't spoken up and had an honest, frank discussion with my hubby. Our family is fiercely loving, enormously joyful and man oh man, we are busy! I feel blessed to see N take giant leaps in his literacy skills right in front of my eyes. I send prayers of thanks for witnessing B's incredible speech development. I LOVE THESE KIDS. And I love being home with them.

Most of all, this last year has taught me that without a doubt, without the tinest second thought, my hubby is the absolute perfect partner and best friend I could ever ask for. He supports my work, my parenting decisions and reminds me when its time to take a break. He lives and breathes for our kids, and his love for me is written all over his face. I love him and couldn't do this without him.

This summer will present challenges for us that we've never experienced... a third child, our first newborn experience without the support of maternity benefits... however I know we're still in the right place, the right space, to make this possible.

"Act, as if everything depended upon you. And pray, as if everything depended upon God."

Off to the races folks...