Cue the tears.
I didn't think much of my words. I didn't think I was panicked, in fact I was pretty sure he was having a slight skin reaction due to cross contamination of dairy.
I was upset though.
My mind was racing... how the heck? Again? What am I doing wrong?
But I didn't suspect anaphylaxis. I wasn't pulling out the EpiPen.
My words scared him.
I scared my sweet little anaphylaxis warrior into a tummy ache.
(which of course worried me even more, as this can be another sign of an allergic reaction).
Sometimes, I forget to be in the moment. Be all in, right now.
This morning I was three stages ahead thinking - what did he touch? How am I failing him? I need to watch for worsening symptoms...
I was living in the future.
If I was living in the present moment, mindful and aware, I would have noticed that I was scaring him. That I asked too many times if he was ok. That he was becoming afraid. That he wasn't showing any signs of it getting worse.
This is the difference that mindfulness makes.
When we live in the past, our kids become weighed down by our own grief, trauma and depression.
When we live in the future, our kids feel our fear, anxious thoughts and trepidation.
Hard to admit, I know.
When we live in the moment, we breathe.
We notice the space between stimulus and reaction.
Formulate a response.
Breathe again.
Notice again.
Act calmly.
Mindfulness is a practice, one I take very seriously. But as you can tell, I am only a student. This practice is a way of life that is always teaching me to turn back to present moment awareness.
Simply noticing the now.
This morning I failed and felt horrible for upsetting my sweet boy.
He was totally, 100% fine.
But trust me, I'll dust myself off and keep trying.
Mindfulness just works like that.
xo
