We've dealt with our usual MRI appointments and follow ups (which were all NED, thank God), a lovely bout of lice (yes, you read that correctly) and the back-to-school-crazy-transition that rocks the lives of parents the world over.
It has been grey and rainy outside for a couple of weeks.
A new world leader took power, threatening peace.
People are protesting.
Hearts are angry.
So much negativity.
My instinct has been to retreat.
Into my house.
My family.
My thoughts.
I didn't realize how much I was holding inside until this week, when I finally had a good cry and was honest with my husband.
Truth is, I am struggling.
Not with worry.
Not with anxiety.
I think I am just sad.
The reminder posts on social media of the events that took place this time last year are very overwhelming. Full of emotion and fear, it's almost as if I am re-living it all now, a year later.
As my husband puts it, we went all the way there.
We didn't just think about our child having cancer, we actually heard real words from real people.
We are reminded every three months that it could come back.
We belong to a club of amazing people with the worst possible connection.
We went all the way there.
All the way.
As another cancer mom explained it to me, we aren't fearful of what COULD happen.
We re-live what DID happen.
And so as this month comes to a close I am doing something I haven't done in 10 odd years. I am going to donate blood.
To honour another childhood cancer warrior and his family.
A friend's mom gone 15 years.
All who battle this horrific beast.
I will lean into the sad.
Stand strong and rooted in my fierce desire for peace.
I will go all the way there.
And grow as a result.
<3
