Social media, reinvented

Giving up social media for lent was quite an interesting journey.

In the first week, I was mostly lost. There actually came a day when I said to myself, I’m bored. Then I was like, WHHHAATTTT? That’s when my first learning hit me,

I do not need to fill up every space. Every singular moment.

I really don’t. Just because I am cooking dinner and have to wait another four minutes for water to boil, does not mean I need to pick up my phone. Waking up in the morning is much better when I don’t check my phone, but pray, meditate, stretch, pet my dogs or hug the kids for an extended few minutes. I have more time in my day then I think I do, if I just keep off my phone. I can even find some mundane moments in my busy life, which truly surprised me.

By the tenth day, I noticed the most difficult moments to be social media-free were the ones when I felt I ‘needed an escape.’ You know, the moments you want to hear about everyone else’s life and avoid your own? This led me to my next learning,

Be curious with myself when I grab my phone.

Society has spent an awful lot of time demonizing social media, but it doesn’t have to ruin relationships and cause drama among friends. It can be very simple, even empowering, if I become the watchdog of my own use. I have learned that poor social media use for me is using it when I am trying to 'get away' from something or somewhere. When I substitute social media for time in silence, real social connection or use it to distract myself from a ruminating thought, what I really need to do it own it and put my phone down.

As I suspected, life carried on without social media. Two things that didn’t change, though I hypothesized they would? I was no less worried or anxious without social media in my life, nor did avoiding social media reduce the amount of negative thoughts that went through my mind on a given day. That surprised me. My brain is my own worst enemy, not social media.

As I moved into the final weeks, I realized I needed a plan before logging back in. I never intended to live without social media, but I definitely didn’t want to slide back into my old habits. This led to my next reflection,

Rules of engagement are essential for healthy social media use.

I decided that social media for me is about ethical news, posts that guide me towards a mindful life and updates from honest, authentic people who see me as an imperfect human still worthy of love. I no longer accept lying, misrepresentation, omission of truth, silence in place of honesty, ‘make believe’ happiness, those lacking self awareness, mean-spirited commentary, victim mentality and misinformed posts about politics and news. Life is just too short. Snooze, unfollow and delete will be my primary adjustment tools as I return to social life.

The bottom line?

I learned that I cannot escape reality by removing myself from social. I still saw and heard, connected to and knew most of the goings-on in my circle of friends, acquaintances and family. There was hurt, pain, grief and deep sadness that unfolded right before my eyes. I didn’t need social media to experience that. There were also deeply personal text messages, check-ins from family and grocery store hugs which lifted my spirit in ways social media never could.

Social media for me had become more of a time waster, a bad habit or addiction of sorts. While I adore seeing photos and stories of the good news, wish to honour others’ difficult times so I can keep them in my prayers and appreciate the support I've found in online support groups, I learned there’s a difference between engaging actively in my newsfeeds, and passively wasting precious time.

It’s ok to hop on and catch up, send love or best wishes. But for me, it’s not ok to be head down multiple times a day, buried in unimportant details of the many posts that crossed my eyes each day. Just because I may choose to post less often, I can still cruise, creep or otherwise passively view my social channels many more times each day. This is the habit that stops now, this is social media, reinvented.
 

I will be looking up more.
Taking in real life, all around me.

My goodness there is so much glory.

So much pain.
So much beauty in each and every day.

<3