I'm not ready

The truth is, I'm not ready.
I don't think I'll ever be ready.

I just tucked in my two oldest, beautiful children. Asked them to please get a great sleep because tomorrow was their first day, first experience as full day students.

We'd already shopped for back to school clothing. Pulled out backpacks. Talked about snacks and lunch and which zipper container to open on their new, very fancy lunch bags.

Reminded them to use their manners. Get to the bathroom before too long. Wash their hands. Listen at circle time. Ask questions. Behave.

I told them how proud I was of each of them. How much I love them. How I will miss them dearly.

Then I said goodnight. Closed the door. And cried.

Cried for my pending loss. Cried for the quietness about the take over my house. Cried because I know life moves too quickly, children grow too fast, and kisses don't fit inside backpacks.

I cried because I love them. Love who they have become, love seeing them grow every single day, love every single ounce of their little bodies and souls. Love who they have moulded me to become as a mom and woman.

This journey, this incredible opportunity to have been home, their stay-at-home, work-at-home mother, has been more demanding and as a result more rewarding then I ever dreamed was possible.

And so, I'm not ready.
To walk them to school. Kiss them goodbye. Turn and walk away.
I'm not ready.

My Nolan. My Brooklyn. Forever my preschoolers, forever my little sidekicks on an adventure with me. Forever my soul mates, partners in crime and snuggle monkeys.

Forever my babies.
And so, I will cry. Over and over again.

Because I have been blessed with the most special gift of all. Being their mother.

xoxo