Transformational Change. And Leadership Niagara.

On Friday I attended another day-long learning session as a participant in the Leadership Niagara Program. I highly recommend the program, excellent for any mid-level leaders looking to gain valuable skills, an extended professional network, and ultimately engage the Niagara community in change.

This month's session was about change leadership and the change cycle.
How appropriate.

I am familiar with the change cycle, but this session really highlighted for me exactly what happened in my decision to step back from my career. Let's look at the stages:

STAGE 1 IS DENIAL. Oh yah. I didn't even realize I was there. I thought my unhappiness was simply a bump in the road. When my son was sick for two months, I chalked it up to my instinct as a mother to be home with my child. I kept telling myself it would pass. Once he got better I briefly questioned whether it was my job that was making my unhappy. I attempted to negociate a drop to part-time work, however it just wasn't meant to be. I spent nearly 6 months in this stage of the change cycle - absolutely in denial of my true feelings and desires.

STAGE 2 IS BETRAYAL. Ah yes. This was the part where I berated myself for even considering the idea of being home with my kids. I told myself I was crazy, that there was no way our family could live on one income. That my skills would date, that I'd never be able to go back to work. And yet during this time I still said to a co-worker (who told me after the announcement was made that I was leaving, I didn't even realize I had said this) that "my greatest wish would be to stay home with my kids." Wow.

3. SELF-DOUBT. Welcome to where I am now. I'm feeling the classic list of symptoms including fear, insecurity and loneliness. It's a bizzare state to be in as I've always considered myself pretty confident in my choices, and in myself (even if I had to 'fake it until you make it'). My feelings have resulted in lots of stress (see previous post below) and I don't even know myself anymore. Very difficult place to be, and I am very thankful that my family and friends continue to be support of me and our family decision.

Next up, provided I make it out of my self-doubt stage, lol, is STEP 4 BEHAVIOR CHANGE. It will be the time where I begin to change my habits, garner some new experience and feel a sense of success in the belief that I made the right change. Heavy stuff. Likely not until I am done work in a couple of months. Let's hope I make it here!

What really stood out to me at this month's session was the idea of transformational change. It's the kind of change where you don't even know you are going. The kind where you know the world as you know it isn't going to be the same, but you really can't suggest the final outcome.

Transformational change "calls for a new level of fearlessness, of innovation and collaboration."
AMEN.