A reminder that you are worthy

Yesterday evening I had the pleasure of moderating a career education event where students had the opportunity to 'meet' and hear from professionals from across Canada. I was placed with two women who spoke about their incredibly unique and dare I say, badass, career journeys with the Canadian government. I loved learning about each of them, their similarities and differences, as well as how 'happy accidents' led them to very fulfilling careers. As a person who strongly believes in the connectedness of the universe, it was really incredible to be present for their stories.

At the end of the evening, we spoke rather candidly about working from home during the pandemic. One of the women, in her 30s without children, said she was really impressed by the way parents like myself and the other speaker have managed to find ways to adapt to working from home, particularly in the evenings when she knew kids were close by and needing attention. She asked how we stayed focused, and re-iterated that she really felt we should be commended for all we've done to persevere this year. 

I've been thinking about her comments all night.

Here I had spent the greater part of two hours admiring her amazing story of struggle, triumph and work 'in the shadows' as a badass security intelligence officer, yet she was genuinely congratulating us for the last 9 months of pandemic work-from-home life?

Wow.
I didn't feel worthy.

The truth is, compliments make me uncomfortable. My dear, wonderful husband of 14 years still makes me squirm when he tells me I am beautiful. My kids declare me 'the best mom in the world' and I immediately start into... well not really, because...

I struggle to feel worthy.

Then I remembered something I read, by one of my favourite writers:

Maybe you needed this reminder, too? We've got to keep showing up, vulnerable and brave, and keep remembering that we are absolutely worthy.

Accept that compliment. 

Appreciate that gift shared in words.

We are all worthy.

Every. single. day.

A little about love

I've been thinking about love, lately.
The way it holds my life together.

Love for my kids.
Husband.
Parents.
Family.
Friends.

Love is permission to fall apart.
And know someone is there to hold me.

Love allows me to finish short of my word.
And know all will be forgiven.

Love is being held in a space which says; nothing has to happen right now.
Nothing is perfect and that's ok.
It's ok.
I'm ok.

That's love.

Love is when my heart races with worry.
Love is nagging doubt that I've made the right decision.
Love is hope, when there's nothing else to hold on to.

Love is a state of being where there is warmth.
It's a safe place.
An honest one.

Love permits disagreement, but always with respect.
Love allows anger, but quickly finds forgiveness.
Love is exhausting, for all the right reasons.

I've found, as I've aged, that when I centre on love, I simply cannot go wrong.

Sometimes it's a longer journey.
Sometimes it hurts so much more.
But love, as my reason, my wrapping, my motivation, never leads to regret.

I've lost friends, on account of loving them so much my honest words hurt their feelings.
I've hurt my heart, following hope and forgiveness to a place where I was trampled on.
I've literally lost hours of my life worrying from a place of deep love for others.

But I can say for sure, it was my authentic self.
It was true, honest to goodness love that led my actions.

And so, I'll continue to show up.
Sometimes exhausted, battered and bruised.
Sometimes afraid of speaking the truth.

Because I know this for certain.
I am my most authentic self when my thoughts, words and actions come from my heart centre.
And I do not intend to change this instinct. Ever.

Know this about me;
If you choose to hold space for me, I will for you.
I'm probably already quietly praying for you.

If you need me, I will be there.
In times of great joy, my heart celebrates with you.
And in times of trouble, my heart aches, walking with you.
Even if you don't see me there.
I am.

Love, as I see it, is the single greatest, most honest way to honour the divinity that created me.

And this year, now this new decade, I will no longer feel shameful for sharing it with everyone, every cause, every thing out there in this great big hurting world that needs it.

Love.
Only love today.
Only love every day.
This is my pledge.

xo